Honestly, my testimony may sound super cliché initially, but I hope you are able to relate to it and are strengthened in your relationship with Jesus.
God blessed me with a family that pointed me to Christ at a young age. When I was four years old, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. Salvation seemed simple at that age, but as I got older, it definitely seemed more complicated.
Even though I learned so much about God in church, Sunday school, and Awana, I still doubted His Word. As a young teenager, I experienced severe doubts. I didn’t know if I was actually a Christian, and no matter what anyone told me, I didn’t feel assured of my salvation.
The lies that Satan told me felt so real. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. As Jesus said about the devil, “…He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44 ESV).
I don’t know exactly when the lies started to seem quieter, but they certainly didn’t disappear. Even though I still have doubts about my salvation sometimes, I don’t live in constant fear because of them. Which is a good thing, because I couldn’t have handled living with obsessive doubts and an obsessive eating disorder at the same time.
When I was 15 years old, I developed anorexia nervosa. Unlike what you may imagine anorexia to be like, my eating disorder was very gradual. I didn’t change from healthy to sickly overnight. I was never hospitalized, though I was headed in that direction.
Over the course of two years, I starved myself, counted calories incessantly, obsessed about exercise, panicked about my weight, and became fearful of food. I had gone through a “dieting phase” when I was 12. But this was much more serious.
Long story short, I had to get a stress test, an EKG, and a bone density scan, as well as have frequent visits with an eating disorder specialist at Children’s Hospital, a general practitioner, a nutritionist, and a counselor. I don’t even remember how many months I didn’t have my period. My body was in pain, and I was causing it by not giving my body enough nutrients.
To be honest, there wasn’t anything in particular that prompted my recovery. God simply gave me enough strength to choose to recover. Honestly, my recovery was indescribably hard. Not only did I have to stop losing weight, but I had to regain every pound that I had worked so hard to lose.
When I was at my lowest weight, Satan told me I was fat. When I was recovering, Satan told me I was fat. To this day, Satan tells me I am fat. Although I’m physically healthy, it was and is hard to see my body in a logical way. And I may never.
But I’m healthy now, and that’s what matters most. For people who are recovering from an eating disorder, life isn’t about loving our weight or our size; it’s about choosing life in spite of our body hatred.
Even though I’m physically healthy again, my life isn’t perfect. As I write this, I’m struggling with habitual sin. And, as usual, Satan wants to destroy me with his lies. This time, he tells me that I will always be stuck here and that I shouldn’t bother trying to fight this sin. But the Holy Spirit reminds me of what Paul told the Philippians: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6 ESV).
And there is so much more I could add to this testimony. I could tell you about God supplying friendships from childhood through young adulthood, providing opportunities for me to share my writing, teaching me that heaven is my real home, and showing me that I need to loosen my grip on people and things that aren’t mine.
Thank you so much for reading the story of how God has worked and is working in my life. Know that if you are willing, He wants to work in your life, too.
Grace McCready is a senior in college who is studying business administration and communications. She enjoys writing, spending time with her family, and hanging out with friends. Her passion is for young women to live transparently and thrive during their single years. She blogs about the Christian life at Tizzie’s Tidbits of Truth.