I opened the door to my new house and eyed the yellow wallpaper with suspicion. It was too bright, too ornate, too happy. Nope. It would have to go.
Growing up in a third-world country as the daughter of Christian missionaries, I have always maintained a strong theology of suffering. Trials and troubles were to be expected, pain was a part of life, and grief was a natural byproduct of living in this broken world. That made perfect sense. The Christian’s duty in the midst of suffering was clear to me: trust in the Lord as you lament, and allow the pain to do its work on your soul.
But happiness? Now that’s something I wasn’t really sure about.
When I moved to America at the age of 18, the Western lifestyle seemed almost offensively enjoyable. Clean roads, nice stores, and houses with pools were a world away from the grime and poverty I was used to encountering.
Over time, I settled into the new American life God had given to me. Although I traversed my fair share of pain and sorrow along the way, the life of significant suffering I had mentally prepared for eventually morphed into something different. I was… happy. One by one, my parents and siblings all moved to my city. The proximity was a totally unexpected delight. I married a wonderful man and proceeded to have three healthy children. We found the church of our dreams, and all at once our lives were overflowing with the sweetest community. I started a business, wrote a book, and enjoyed living in a little house right next to my parents.
And now, we were moving into a home that we had only ever dreamed of owning. A house with plenty of room for kids, on a beautiful piece of property, still quite close to family, with bright yellow wallpaper greeting you in the foyer.
Was it really ok to be this happy?
I’ve learned over the years that while pain and suffering are certainly an unavoidable part of life, God does actually desire our ultimate joy, and even our momentary bursts of childlike happiness in this world make him smile.
The Lord might allow suffering, but He loves making us happy.
Our Father loves giving us good gifts, and the best gift we’ve ever been given is access to Himself and His Kingdom. In case you forgot, God’s Kingdom is a place where everything sad becomes untrue, where humans are healed, souls are set right, and all that is broken gets redeemed into glory. It’s a place where God’s will is done, where evil has no say, and where pain is a thing of the past. Basically, it’s the best place to be. God’s Kingdom is already here in part, and one day it will overtake every inch of sad darkness in this entire world.
So yes, prepare your heart for the suffering of this life, cling to Jesus when the storms of pain and trial invade, but know in your bones that God delights in giving you good, amazing, wonderful gifts.
The Father delights in your delight, and most of all, he wants to be your unending source of delight.
I decided to keep the wallpaper.