Quiet Times in Marriage
The importance of having a personal quiet time is a very familiar concept to me. Mainly because growing up I had parents that started every single day with a quiet time of their own. I have memories from when I was very little of my dad praying and reading the word in his big red chair and my mom at the kitchen table with her Bible open and a cup of coffee. Not much has changed (nearly 30 years later), except sadly, the red chair is no more. Their example and training influenced me at a young age to also prioritize having a quiet time for myself. And what I saw and experienced, the habits that I formed as a child, they’ve stuck with me to this day. One of the reasons why I think my parents have had such a strong and healthy marriage all these years is because they have always put Jesus first. And part of putting Jesus first is being intentional with your relationship with Him: spending time with Jesus and sitting at His feet every single day.
I want to confess something to you: Marriage is hard. And that is why we need Jesus. Marriage is also a gift. The purpose of marriage is not only happiness but more importantly holiness. We all know of marriages that have unfortunately failed and not made it. Christian and non-Christian marriages alike. A personal quiet time will not automatically result in or guarantee a happy, healthy, and holy marriage, but it does make a difference. My own marriage is a testimony to that.
I’m a mom of four young children. My life is very full and for the last eight years, I have been sleep-deprived. Literally. Like I don’t know how I’ve survived. Lol. (But God!) Needless to say, getting up early in the morning, before the sun is up and the children are still sleeping has been a struggle. Nearly impossible. So, it’s not that my “quiet time” has been nonexistent. It’s just looked different this season.
God has seriously met me right where I am. He’s ministered to me, and I have ministered to Him as I’ve filled my home with worship music or on the go in my minivan listening to KLOVE (cuz yes, I’m a 33-year-old, Christian mom and totally fit their target audience lol). He’s spoken to me through His word, even if it’s just one verse that I can meditate on throughout the day. I’ve been able to establish a consistent prayer life through “praying without ceasing”. This looks like talking to God about all the things that concern me, praising Him, adoring Him, and learning to distinguish His still, small voice. Many times, this happens while I’m doing mundane, everyday tasks like washing the dishes, cooking dinner, folding laundry, and going on walks.
Now, I must pause for a second and just say “HALLELUJAH” because my youngest is finally sleeping through the night! And I am finally able to enjoy the “quiet time of my dreams.” (But there is still definitely room to grow.) I can also see what a blessing my husband was to me these last eight years as he was faithful to spend time with God each day and was also faithful to share with me what God was speaking to Him. God used my husband to encourage me, sharpen me, and point me to Jesus. And that’s the beauty of a quiet time in marriage. It doesn’t necessarily have to be done together, but as you individually pursue the Lord, you will grow closer to one another. When one is weak, the other can be strong. And vice versa. I know there were times when God used me as well to uplift and encourage my husband too. We see in scripture that we are blessed to be a blessing, starting with those in our own homes!
My parents have been married for over 35 years and they would be the first to tell you that marriage is not always flowers and rainbows. I have been married to the love of my life for 10 years and I can say the same. We have experienced many highs and many lows, victories, and failures. We’ve changed and grown as people. But through it all, Jesus has remained our constant. Our solid rock. And He has carried us through, by holding us, keeping us grounded, unifying us, and giving us a purpose and mission. When Zach and I got married, we vowed to make Jesus the center of our marriage. We have held each other accountable for making and keeping Jesus as our first love. And though we haven’t done all of this perfectly, I will tell you that when I focus on my relationship with Christ and don’t allow the cares of this world to get the best of me, I am a better wife, mom, and friend.
So much of marriage is about putting your spouse before yourself. Being counseled and strengthened by the Holy Spirit to humbly serve and love them unconditionally. I want to leave you with this simple truth that has changed my life: You can’t give away what you don’t have.
Spend time with Jesus. And may He fill your cup to overflowing!
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV)
|Megan Duke is an international Contemporary Christian recording artist and worship leader. She lives in Indiana with her husband and 4 kids. Together they are on mission to make and multiply disciples locally, nationally, and globally. Megan enjoys good food and coffee, exercising, and showing hospitality.|