Quiet Time when you don’t feel like it
Jordan Sparnroft
For the large majority of my life, I have possessed a constant yearning and desire to know more about God, study His word, and do things that involved the study of Him in any capacity ESPECIALLY quiet time.
I enjoyed quiet time with God like I would a hobby. I enjoyed the dark and quiet of the morning with a cup of coffee, reading my Bible in peace, and journaling in my QTC; it was my favorite part of the day. In September, I gave a very public testimony and one of the statements I made was, ‘faith has always come easy to me.’
For me, ‘faith’ was equivalent to desire. For so long I believed that in order to spend time with Jesus and have a relationship with Him, there needed to be a desire to do so, and some sort of ‘strong faith feeling’. To me that ‘strong faith feeling’ felt like excitement and eagerness to open His word each day and to engage in prayer. The day after that talk, that statement started to not ring true. Out of nowhere, the desire to spend time with God left me. My so-called ‘faith’ began to waver.
The past 10 months God has stripped me of the desire to do quiet time as I had been doing it for years prior, to the point I didn’t want to do it at all. I’m realizing that I was putting a lot of faith in my ‘feelings’ toward God and not His feelings toward me. And yet, though my desire to spend time with Him wasn’t there, I still felt His desire for me.
One day, I decided to show up despite my lack of motivation. Why? Because my motivation or desire to spend time with Him or a strong faith is NOT required to come into His presence. His grace and acceptance of me is not dependent on my desire to know Him or the ‘strength’ of my faith, it is dependent on the work Jesus did on the cross and His resurrection.
I’m learning to make my time with Him more about Him and how He wants to speak to me and less about my preferences and feelings. I’m learning to not get frustrated if the feeling or desire never comes and to rest in His grace even with the faith of a mustard seed. I believe THAT is where true faith is built. He wants us to steward the faith we have regardless of the measure.
Practical Takeaways:
- Desire/motivation to spend time with God is not equivalent to faith in God and NOT a requirement before approaching Him. So keep coming to Him!
- Tell God about your lack of desire. Ask Him to strengthen your faith in his desire for you. Ask Him to show you where you are putting your faith in things, works, feelings, or people that are not of Him.
- Rest in the work of the cross; not in feelings.
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Jordan Sparnroft lives in historic central Virginia with her husband and daughter. She is a first-grade teacher at a Christian school and loves early mornings and spending time with her family. |